Wednesday, May 13, 2009

So maybe Blogging Rule #1 wasn't such a good idea . . .

So I made this rule about blogging - no whining. And at the time it made sense. I was sick of hearing my own voice complaining about everything. I want to spread happiness and sunshine, not doom and gloom. I just thought that maybe if I wouldn't allow myself to whine here, I'd come up with more positive things to write. Soooo . . . I haven't written in 4 days. Apparently I've taken the old adage - if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all - too far.

As my friend Landismom said in her comment to that post, sometimes it's ok to vent. I blog in part to have a place to get things off my chest.

So, to the whining . . . this whole divorce thing sucks. We really wanted to make things amicable and although things could be much worse, I wouldn't exactly call our current state amicable. We are really just talking through email. Which is ok, but the emails are getting increasingly snippy, which is not ok. I'm trying to stay calm and not write things I'll regret later but it's not easy. The urge to defend myself and prove a point is soooo strong. So far I've resisted (mostly) but I'm not sure how long I can hold out.

Friends keep telling me not to engage with him and to just let the lawyers do the talking. But I don't want to overspend on lawyers (I am one, I know how we can run up the hours - legitimately, but still). And I'm concerned that using the lawyers too much will make things even more contentious. It's a fine line to walk.

I know this will be over soon - and we'll be on to the challenges of co-parenting, etc. But at least we can both go on with our lives. Transition periods are difficult for everyone involved. I know we'll get through this.

And after I wrote this post, here's what I did for myself:

1) I've gone to bed at a reasonable hour for three nights in a row.
2) I remind myself often that I'm ok just where I am and don't have to push myself to act happy all the time (that's part of what got me into this emotional mess in the first place).
3) I've told my husband's voice to get out of my head - I was reassuring myself that things will work out and then this voice would pop in to say "It's not going to be easy. There are obstacles." I realized that's his voice, not mine. I learned recently that optimists do better when they think happy thoughts and don't dwell on possible problems. So I kicked his pessimistic voice out!
4) I asked my mom to help me make and organize my lists. She's very organized (a trait I obviously didn't inherit). It was hard to ask for help - I have a real problem with that. But she was great. Now I just have to schedule a time with her - yet another thing to procrastinate!
5) I joined The Comfort Cafe which I love so far. It's run by Jen Louden at Comfort Queen and she's awesome.

So I guess I've done a lot towards getting myself in a good place. Even though they're baby steps, I'm moving forward and that's something to celebrate. So maybe I'm not in the mood to whine after all . . .
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